I really like being in control.
I always have. I enjoy knowing exactly what is happening, when it is happening, why it is happening, and how I can change it. I know everyone values different things, but I’m pretty sure most people can relate to some extent.
Because of my obsessive (and often sinful) desire for control, there was one question that graced my lips more often than any other.
I hate not understanding because when I do not understand a situation, I cannot be in control of it.
In the past couple of years where I have struggled with multiple health issues, I have often wrestled with the question “why”. I hated being in pain that I could not control. I craved making sense of the chaos that was present my life. I longed to see a reason for my suffering. I wanted to understand a purpose in the pain.
I thought that maybe if I understood a purpose behind the hard things I was going through, it would be a little easier to accept the fact the I was not in control. I wanted to make sense of it all so desperately.
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